Jackley, Kiva, and Marriage

In many ways, Jessica Jackley reminded me of myself. Granted, I have not co-founded an incredible successful micro-lending website, nor do I have a Stanford MBA, nor have I travelled across the globe interacting with various cultures or educating people about micro-financing. What I did feel we had in common, however, was our characters. It seemed that, like me, Ms. Jackley had experienced an upbringing in a upper middle class Christian home, excelled in academics, and retained lofty philanthropic dreams. We also seemed to share a similar personality: extremely goal driven, outgoing, and energetic.

I do not list my supposed similarities with Ms. Jackley in order to flatter myself, but rather to illustrate that when I heard her speak, I processed her lecture on a more personal level. I was very impressed by her passion, drive, and commitment to helping the poor, and inspired that my dreams to further God’s kingdom could be accomplished like hers. However, something about her talk disturbed me. I couldn’t help but notice that when she spoke of her co-founder, Matthew Flannery, whom all our supplied literature referred to as her husband, she seemed unusually formal. These subtle cues caused me to research her current relationship with Mr. Flannery on the Internet, where I discovered that the couple had recently divorced. My personal association with Jessica Jackley caused me to feel sadness when I discovered this very personal, and likely, painful experience. I pictured myself: young, driven, successful, and in pursuit of my dreams, with such an experience to haunt me for the rest of my life.

I realize this association with Ms. Jackley is based on my limited impression of her from an one hour formal lecture, but somehow, I was forever impacted by her speech. As she described the heart-warming stories of Kiva, the organization’s success, and one of her new projects, I couldn’t help but question my own priorities. Like Ms. Jackley I desire to help the poor, achieve my goals, and attempt to “save the world,” but at what cost? I realized through this lecture that I would trade all of the successes of something such as  Kiva in order to maintain a healthy relationship with the man I once fell in love with and married. I do not condemn Ms. Jackley or Mr. Flannery by any means, nor do I pretend to know anything about their personal lives together, but I am thankful that their experience made me realize this about myself. I cannot base my entire happiness on a marriage, nor do I intend to, and I believe that whether or not I am married I have a unique divine purpose to fulfill. However, I have recognized that, personally, my future priority is to invest first in my marriage and do everything possible to help, achieve, and save that sacred relationship. If divorce happens to befall me like it did Ms. Jackley and Mr. Flannery, I would hope that I possessed as much internal fortitude as Ms. Jackley so as to continue her God-given vocation with even greater passion.